As you might know by now, I'm not a big fan of the holiday season - mostly due to my issues with over-consumption...food, gifts, psychic space, time, whatever.
So today I was thinking hard and deep about this sense of obligation to the holidays that I feel. What am I "supposed" to do? How am I "supposed" to celebrate? What is expected of me? How am I obliged to behave, gift, cook, visit or otherwise cheerfully alter my agenda to accommodate anything holiday related? Why do I feel apoplectic by mere dates approaching on a calendar?
To no surprise, I ended up at
dictonary.com and read all the various definitions of "obligation" and "oblige." Basically, what I've concluded in my hot pursuit of holiday freedom, is that unless you have a contract -actual or implied - with another person or entity, you don't HAVE to do anything to accommodate expectations....especially those self-perceived ones! My obligations really only reside in my self-defeating imagination! Woo Hoo!
Last week I received a lovely email from a long-time friend suggesting a hiatus from the holiday gift-giving tradition in light of the tight economic times:
"All we know for sure is that every single one of us leads a very blessed life...filled with love, family and rewarding interests. Do we really need a material gift at Christmas to make that any better? We know we don't and, although our kids might say otherwise, we strongly hope you will agree with us and join us in this endeavor."
I think this is wonderful and while I am totally on board, isn't amazing that we've created such a cultural situation that we feel the need to "ask permission" to not to give? What is up with our culture?
I really do think that the Consumption Giants have us exactly where they want us....well, have had us. This economic downturn has been a blessing in that it's gotten more people thinking about priorities and obligations. Well, me (and my friend!) anyway...and I hope you too!
But really, what is it about our culture that has cultivated such a strong sense of obligation during the holiday season? From decorating the house to cooking big meals and then gifting nearly everyone from here to there, sending holiday cards, attending parties and baking treats. I'm sure there are some of you who truly love all this, and that's great. But it seems that the people I bump into around December 23rd are either sick, tired or sick and tired and waiting for it all to be over. And then the bills come.
I do believe that we are morally obligated to respect each other's human rights, but unless we have a binding agreement (ie: marriage, employment, parenting a minor, etc.) we are not obligated to be or do anything in particular for another. The rest is all choice. You carve out your personal parameters, definitions and boundaries and you reap the consequences, whatever they may be. And you adjust, if necessary.
For a minute or two, close your eyes and envision what your ideal holiday looks like. Where are you? Who is there? What are you doing? How do you feel? Paint a vision that nourishes your heart and then make bold steps to manifest this dream into reality. You deserve nothing less.
Handwritten notes are inexpensive and oh-so very touching, phone calls are still heart-warming (oh, how I long sometimes for the old corded phone and a couch!) and a visit or a token of affection ANY TIME OF THE YEAR - especially when it isn't expected or out of a sense of obligation - is delightful.
Indeed I feel like everyday is Valentine's Day, every day is Thanksgiving and each night is Christmas Eve. Everyday is a reason to celebrate. I can't stomach botoxing my love when the calendar tells me to just to make it seem "that much more" this time of year. True enchantment and authentic exchange happen in the day to day rituals and routines of regular life, unscripted.
Am I on to something? Maybe I'm just getting old, set in my ways and all bah humbug.
Live Light, xo-C.
